Hair, Curly, straight, relaxed, locks, natural, bob, layers, bald. Any way you describe it, its hair and has a presence in our lives even if you have none. It is one of those things that people first notice about you. Like anything else hair can be judged. I could either be considered to have good hair or bad hair. As a teenager this definition of good hair, or acceptable, or beautiful hair has affected me a lot me until this year.
Two of my favorite songs right now are Hair by Lady Gaga and I Am Not My Hair by India Aire. In Hair, Gaga talks about being as free as your hair. At one point she says, “I’ve had enough, I’m not a freak I just keep fightin’ to stay cool on the streets.” Gaga’s confidence and courage to not let hair hold her back from showing her personality has influenced the way I think about my hair. On the other hand, India Aire is saying that she is not her hair, skin, or anyone’s expectations. She is the soul that lives within. Despite these seeming to be two different messages, I find that they coexist peacefully. I need to be confident and love that my hair is a part of me but remember it is not the only thing that defines me.
As a freshman I thought natural hair like mine was bothersome not beautiful. It was too nappy, too tough, and would not cooperate with what I wanted it to be. Every morning I would spend 15 to 20 minutes trying to style my hair to go to school, to a party, to church. In my quest to be deemed beautiful by my peers, I did things that were not healthy to my hair. Subconsciously, I admit I used to spend about 120 dollars in the span of two months on my hair just so that I will look “presentable” to others. This entailed about 400 degrees Fahrenheit being put on my hair for an hour every two weeks. Again, not healthy for my hair.
Ironically, I tried to deny the affect of the media on me. I was not stupid enough to let others tell me how I need to look. I mean I was not trying to lose weight to fit a certain size, or wearing provocative clothes. But, it is obvious I was affected. All I saw was straight thick silky hair or relaxed hair and subconsciously equated that look with beautiful. TV shows never showed girls with hair like mine. Only in movies did I see little boys with wild hair that looked like mine. I was insecure and embarrassed to show my natural hair.
Unfortunately the consequences were not what I had planned. Because of my obsession with having straight hair, I have now thinned out my previously thick hair, changing the texture of my hair. No, I was not getting a relaxer or perm, just blow dried hair. I realized a bit too late how much I loved my thick hair. Now I wish I had tried to keep my hair natural.
Since then, I have, like Lady Gaga said learned to be as free as my hair and as India Arie said, to be more than just my hair. Today I am prouder to wear my natural hair in all its puffy and curly glory. Occasionally, I slip and start worrying about what others may think of my hair, but then I remember that as long as I am confident about how I see myself others have no choice but to see me the same way.
Do not be mistaken, I still wear my hair straight when I want to change my style a bit or if I need a haircut badly. However, the difference now is that I only do it occasionally and not because I am trying to impress someone else. I am more confident, secure and self-loving. Now I love experimenting with different ways I can work with my hair so that I can look as good and as confident as I feel now.
